Goldsmiths - University of London

'Betty, are you getting ready for school? It's your first day back, isn't it?'

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock again. Then I shrieked:

'Dad! It's nearly nine o'clock! School starts at eight-thirty!'

'Did you forget to set your alarm?'

I was sitting up, pushing the covers back, sliding my feet into my slippers and glancing around for the dress I'd decided to wear for this two weeks ago, when I was still looking forward to life.

'No! I mean, yes, I did. Mum usually checks I've set it. Oh, god,' my voice wavered in panic, but Dad had obviously walked off as he didn't say anything more. The dress was crumpled up, one sleeve under a leg of my desk chair. I decided to get on with my wash and work out what to wear as I did that. In the bathroom there were no clean flannels and I had to use the least dirty side of the one I used to take off my make-up on Saturday night. My mood had gone from 'horrified' to 'foul' by the time I got into the kitchen. Luckily all my shirts were ironed as they'd been in the wardrobe for the whole of the summer holiday, but the only clean skirt I had was creased all over. I hoped it looked like it was deliberate. I glanced at the wall clock – it was nine thirty – and grabbed the last cereal bar from the cupboard, my book bag, and my normal purse and ran down the stairs, into the street. The bus was just pulling up when I reached the stop. I collapsed into a seat for the five-minute journey, feeling a little relieved that I was on my way; the pain would be over, soonish.

When I got off the bus I found myself in the middle of a steady stream of pedestrian traffic towards the school. I was totally, utterly, completely confused for ten seconds, then I realised that as it was the first day of school, registration wouldn't begin until quarter to ten, so most kids weren't in any hurry to get there. I was delighted, until I remembered that I'd had a flannel-bath that morning, hadn't washed my hair, had chosen my outfit in about thirty seconds, and left my phone at home. I wanted to fall into a large pit for all eternity, or at least for today to get me out of this, but instead I persuaded myself to speedwalk down the road and into the building. I was halfway up the stairs to our old form room before I realised that we'd all been moved into computer rooms to work on our UCAS forms this term, and I would have to check the lists in the great hall to find out where to go. Brilliant. Eventually I found the room number, worked out where it was, and ran all the way. I walked in and sat down at the only computer remaining, next to Celie, dropping my unusually light bag on the floor like it was a hundredweight. Celie glanced at me and smiled before carrying on reading a webcomic. El called charmingly across the classroom,

'Betty, you look like shit.'

'I haven't had a proper breakfast,' I moaned back, and rolled my eyes, trying to relax into the thinly-padded computer-chair. Our new teacher, Ms Redmond, came in almost straight after me, dressed in an impeccable new suit. Teachers always look smartest at the start of the year, as do most students. We're usually convinced that this year will be the year we finally get properly organised, and have made a sterling effort at the beginning. Normally I'm one of the best-dressed in the year, and if my planned outfit had been ready and I'd had time for a shower, I would have looked fabulous. Now, however ... well, I told you what the boy said. I looked like shit. Especially in comparison to Celie, with her chic French—inspired capsule wardrobe of stripy jumpers and black everything else. Even Lucy was wearing new cords, as I saw when she stood up to find something in her bag, and El was born to make scruffy look attractive.

I ignored Ms Redmond's introduction and buried my face in my hands as she began the register. I had definitely begun the year the wrong way.

'Elizabeth Lane?'

'Here,' I called out, looking up to make sure she heard me.

'Edward Lowing?'

'Yep,' El said, and catching my eye, he threw an apple in my direction. Lucy, sitting next to him, waved, and I knew it was from her. She's a bad shot, I'm a bad catch, but Celie jumped up, grabbed it, and passed it to me.

'Thanks, thanks,' I murmured, before biting into the sharp-sweet fruity goodness. I had a fun time holding the apple with my left hand and writing with my right when the timetables were passed out, but I got the apple eaten and held the remains aloft triumphantly twenty minutes later.

'Cor!' El yelled, and collapsed into a lanky-boy-shaped pile of giggles.

Lucy rolled her eyes and waved at me again. 'You feeling better?'

'Yep,' I said, depositing my apple core into the bin at the front of the room and unwrapping my cereal bar.

Ms Redmond gave me a dirty look as I passed her desk.

'Elizabeth-'

'Betty.'

'Betty,' she repeated, 'what are the rules about eating in classrooms?'

'Don't do it? Sorry, I didn't have breakfast,' I explained, and walked away, bad impression made.

There were umpteen more forms to fill out but we managed to get all of them done except the study leave form, which Ms Redmond said she'd take in at the end of the day. I had Drama first, and Lucy was in my class, so she grabbed my arm as we left registration.

'I thought you were going to get some sleep?'

'Hmm.' I shook my head. 'Didn't really happen.'

'Yeah, and then I sat next to El in registration. Well, to be fair, he sat next to me. I guess I could have moved, but – '

'Oh, shit!' I stopped in the middle of one flight of stairs, causing a mini traffic jam.

'What?' Lucy pushed me gently forward so that the crowd behind me could keep going without running into the people coming up on the other side.

'I forgot the bloody play books!'

'Oh, I'm sure it'll be alright, it's the first day, we'll have to do warm-up exercises for ages, and then when we get to the play it'll probably just be introduction stuff.'

'You heard her last term,' I said, '"There's a lot we need to cover so don't forget to stick in the photocopies and bring the books to the first lesson".'

'They must have spare copies.' Lucy didn't sound very confident.

'Oh, she's gonna hate me.'

'Whatever, you're her star pupil. She always wants you to be in the school plays. I never get picked,' Lucy folded her arms, 'I always have to do front of house with the Year Eights.'

We walked into the Drama room, a big, black-painted space with chairs and tables stacked along one side and a couple of cupboards full of books.

'Well, we're Year 13 now, top of the school. She'll probably pick you for something. I won't be able to do it. I'll be too busy with the shop.' I was too stressed to worry about Lucy's self-esteem. I dropped my bag on the floor and sat down at the back of the gathered crowd, awaiting our teacher. Lucy gasped as she sat down.

'Oh my god, what's happening with the shop now your mum's – '

I never got a chance to explain that I didn't know as Mrs Waypark clapped her hands.

'Right, I won't waste time on explanations of the syllabus, you had all that last term. Let's do a warm up and then we'll get straight into looking at Arturo Ui.'

I looked at Lucy, glaring just a little. She sighed.

She wouldn't be expecting me, I didn't need to ring her, Dad wouldn't know I was going so he couldn't discourage me or ring my Nan to be polite. And then I would see my mum. The idea made me feel better, and I couldn't help grinning.

'Betty Lane, you'll be happy to read the stage directions in the next scene for us?'

Lucy groaned and shuffled along – she was already reading one of the parts, and now we'd have to squeeze in together. After the scene was over, and I could think again, I decided that I should hang around outside my Nan's house for a bit, peer in the windows, just to be sure she couldn't get away with hiding Mum in a cupboard when I got there.

'Room change, Betty, we're in 34, the Music room.'

'Who would have guessed?' I said, and fell into step beside him.

'I think the administrators must have spent too long in the sun this holiday.'

I giggled. It wasn't particularly funny, but something about Jack's boy-band-handsome face made my brain revert to the age of twelve when I was alone with him, although he's not the type of guy I'd actually go for. It was fine when Posy was around, she talked so much and I could keep my eyes focused on her. I barely spent any time alone with Jack at all, 'though he was in my Music class. He and Posy were the inseparable, sickeningly perfect couple, with their joint sports lessons and proper grown-up dates three times a week. Or so I thought.

'I heard Mr Marks has grown a beard,' Jack said, running a hand through his blondish-brown hair.

'Seriously? I can't wait! He was into the stubbly look last year.'

'Yeah, he was.'

We paused outside the classroom for a moment so Jack could tie a shoelace.

'You!' Jack and I looked up as a red-faced Posy approached. 'I can't believe this,' she shrieked, her ponytail flicking around so fast it made me feel dizzy. 'We've been friends since primary, and you're cheating with my boyfriend.'

I nearly swallowed my tongue. 'What?'

'I know you fancy him-'

'She does?' Jack laughed, which made Posy get even more worked up.

'And you must fancy her, she's everything I'm not, she's tall and she's in your Music group!' This was beyond strange.

'Poe, you're being ridiculous!' Jack said, trying not to smile. 'Calm down!'

'Don't you pet name me! Don't you dare!' Posy stormed off, waving her arms and Jack ducked into the classroom without giving me a single word of explanation. He sat down at the nearest table and wouldn't meet my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I looked around and saw El. There was an empty seat beside him.

'Hey, B.' he said. 'I saved it for you. What's up?'

'Fuck knows. Posy just screamed at me outside the classroom.'

'Oh, we all heard that,' El said, cheerfully. I felt my cheeks heat up. 'I mean this morning. You're not usually late for anything, goody-two-shoes that you are.'

Telling El everything now would be tantamount to broadcasting my family drama to the whole school. The twins, Riya and Sarika, were on our table. They played the French horn and the trumpet, and they were the worst gossips in the sixth form. They were looking at each other right now, mouthing stuff that I couldn't understand, possibly in some sort of twin code.

'Uh, I just missed the bus,' I said. Riya rolled her eyes and frowned, but Sarika smiled smugly at her. Sarika was probably pretty sure she'd get all the gossip from Celie, she volunteered with her at the Oxfam on the High Street.

'Cheer up, Ms Wannabe-Perfect,' El said, giving my shoulders a squeeze. 'New teacher – what's her name – came in after you, so it won't spoil your attendance record.'

'Mmm,' I said, too tired to hit him for that 'Ms W-P' comment. Mr Marks was passing out evaluation forms to the class, apparently we were meant to do them at the end of last year, but he'd forgotten. I filled mine in, half-arsed, giving myself and my efforts above-average but not perfect scores, doing the same for the class, and the teacher, and the school – everyone can always try harder, right? El gave everything, including himself, full marks with no comments, then leant back in his chair and closed his eyes. The twins were discussing their forms with each other, and everyone else on the table was concentrating on filling them in. I looked over at Jack, but his eyes were fixed firmly on the piece of paper in front of him.

Everybody ...

Yeah ...

Rock your body ...

Everybody ...

Rock your body right

Backstreet's back ALRIGHT!

I sat up. 'What the fuck?' I spluttered. 'You woke me up with the Backstreet Boys?'

'Yep.' El was sitting on the arm of the sofa, but slid onto the end seat as I put my feet up on the coffee table in front of us. Celie sat down in the middle.

'Parce que nous sommes les cool,' Celie explained, turning the sound on the hi-fi down just a little. 'Simon and Lisa are doing le déjeuner run. You got cash?

I nodded.

'Dietary preferences haven't changed since last year?'

I shook my head. 'I meant to bring a packed lunch.'

She leant an arm on the back of the sofa and turned her whole body towards me. Gossip-gathering mode. 'How come you missed le petit-déjeuner?'

Had nobody done anything controversial over the summer? Why was my late arrival and skipped breakfast so interesting?

'I just had French, by the way.'

'Never could have guessed,' El said.

I glanced around and out the window. Lucy and Cole were approaching. 'I overslept. Woke up at nine and completely forgot that we start late at the beginning of term,' I said, quickly.

El looked at me. I could practically see his thoughts. You only told me you missed the bus. But he didn't say anything, just yawned extravagantly, stretching his arms above his head.

Lucy rolled her eyes at El as she came in. 'Don't you start,' she said, perching on the coffee table and turning down the volume on the hi-fi. 'She was useless in drama.'

'Thanks Luce, you make me feel so much better,' I said, rolling my eyes at her.

Celie sat up straighter. 'Oh mon Dieu, did I tell you guys about my work experience?'

'No, what work experience?' Lucy asked, with polite interest.

Celie started to elaborate. I curled up on the sofa and closed my eyes. I was only out for a few minutes when my stomach growled so loudly it woke me up again. My head was tilted to see out of the window. Simon and Lisa had made it back from the shop down the road and were sitting opposite each other at one of the picnic tables outside. There was a large white carrier bag on the table that I suspected contained my lunch, and I doubted they were going to come alert us that food was available any time soon. They looked engrossed in each other. I glanced at El, but he hadn't seen them, he was talking to Cole.

'Hey,' I got the others' attention, 'Simon and Lisa are back with lunch.' We all got to our feet and went outside, reluctantly leaving the sofa to be taken by the hovering hip-hop kids, longing for control of the hi-fi nearby.

'Hi,' he said, giving her a quick kiss. She smiled but then turned her attention back to Simon, who was talking about Star Wars. I pulled out my pasta salad and passed the carrier down. El fished out his tuna sandwich (pun deliberate) and waved it at Lisa.

'See, I had to get kissing you in before I ate the smelly fish.'

'He's so considerate,' I said mockingly, catching Lisa's eye. She smiled, but said nothing. We munched in silence for a few moments, before Celie sighed deeply.

'So, Year 13,' she began. 'The beginning of the end.'

'That's so depressing,' Lucy said. 'I like Sixth Form. It's much better than the uniform years were.'

'University should be even better.' Cole said. 'I'm looking forward to leaving school behind entirely.'

'You won't miss us then?' Simon had a mouthful of food. He seemed to be barely chewing at all, his sandwich was vanishing so fast.

'Of course, but it's this whole environment ...' Cole waved his arms vaguely.

Celie nodded. 'Yeah, school's crap, but I'm not looking forward to having to pay bills.'

'I don't think I'll mind it,' Cole said.

Celie turned towards him to debate the issue. Simon threw his empty packet into the bin and stood up, dropping his Coke bottle into his bag.

'I'm going to the library,' he announced, walking away. 'See you in reg, Cole, Lisa.'

'Library, on the first day of school?' I was surprised.

'He's got a lot to do for History,' Lisa said.

'He works too hard,' El said, putting an arm around Lisa.

'You barely work at all,' Lucy said. 'Your standards are skewed.'

'True but not true.' El smirked. 'Anyone else feel the urge to run off to the library during the first lunch break of the year?'

'No, but I've got to sort something out on my computer account.' Lisa pushed El's arm off her shoulders, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and stood up. 'See you after school.'

'Yeah.' El said, frowning. 'Bye.'

She slung her bag over her shoulder and headed off.

'We're drifting apart already!' Celie said in a melodramatic whine.

I wasn't impressed by today's pasta salad selection, but I never liked the food available around school. I preferred to bring my own – Mum usually made me something.

'Has anyone seen Jacsy today?' Lucy asked. I ignored the question, Celie muttered something I couldn't hear. The others got into a conversation about trouser lengths and I laid my head on the bench and closed my eyes. I'd just drifted to sleep again when the bell rang. English Lit. Celie, El and I were in the same group, so we got up and headed for the main building together.

'Everything alright with you and Lisa?' Celie asked El.

'Everything's great,' El said.

'Good,' Celie smiled. 'Lisa's nice.' El glanced at me, evidently remembering our conversation last Friday. I just rolled my eyes and walked on. Celie jogged to catch up with me.

'What's all this about you and Big Jack?'

'It's nothing. I don't know.'

'You don't know?'

'Not like that! Posy just ran up outside Music and yelled at me. I barely see Jack, only with her and in Music. It should be obvious nothing's going on.'

'Really?' she said, a note of scepticism in her voice. I walked faster, not able to find the energy to defend my honour anymore.

I was halfway down the corridor when Lisa came running up to me.

'Betty, you alright?'

'Yeah,' I lied, again.

'You owe me money for lunch. I normally would ask you for it tomorrow, but I've got to go buy my sister a birthday present.'

'Oh, right,' I said, and rummaged in my bag for my purse. I opened it up and my heart sank. I had £5. Enough to get a Travelcard with my railcard discount, or to pay Lisa back and get the bus home. But I didn't have a choice. I couldn't explain that I only had just enough money, and that I didn't want to give it to her because I wanted to go to north London today. I didn't know Lisa that well, and there were other people I should tell about all this first, and I didn't even know that she would be happy to let me keep the money today if I told her why I wanted it. And if I spent it today I couldn't pay her back tomorrow as well. It was time I got into the habit of making my own lunches – or started walking to school.

My heart dropped into my shoes, but I gave her the money. Simon walked by, and she said bye to me and went after him, leaving me to walk out of school alone, feeling crappier and crappier, until I reached the main entrance and El caught up with me.

'B, what's up?'

'Shitty, shitty day,' I finally confessed. 'Oversleeping didn't set me up well.'

He gave me a hug. 'Fancy a drink?'

I leant my head against his chest. 'I don't have any money, El, now get away from me before Lisa thinks I'm cheating with you too.'

He snorted and let me out of his arms. 'Money is irrelevant, Cole has a bottle of vodka at his. Simon and I are going, to drown out the pain of the first day back at the hellhole.'

'You're so overdramatic,' I said, adjusting the strap of my shoulder bag. Though it had been hell, hearing him describe it like that made me smile.

'Any excuse to get drunk.'

'You do realise we have to go to school again tomorrow, right?'

'That's why we're getting drunk early.' He spread his arms wide, like it was completely obvious. 'Meeting at 6, drunk by 8, home by eleven. Drinking lots and lots of water all the while. It'll cheer you up.'

I was so beyond cheering, but it sounded tempting. At least I'd be out of the flat, not wandering around wondering what my mum was up to and dodging my dad's weird attitude, doing my homework on the day it was set to distract myself, something I haven't done since Year Eight ...

'Alright,' I said, after a long pause.

'Great,' El grinned. 'I'll see you then.'